Like many, I’ve had experiences with teachers and leaders I've admired; people whose work has shaped my thinking, growth, and practice.

And sometimes, the people we admire end up betraying our trust. They act in ways completely at odds with our values, and sometimes, are complicitly silent when accountability is required.

It’s so hard when those we have learned from and (let’s be honest) put on a pedestal disappoint us, when someone we’ve trusted to teach us turns out to have done something (or lots of things) that are antithetical to our values and morals.

For example, I admired and actively adored Dr. Christiane Northrup for years, was friends with one of her daughters, and was part of a multilevel marketing scam—er, program with her. We had dinners and hung out. But then, during the height of the pandemic, she actively espoused disinformation about the cause and treatment of COVID19. And that sucked.

So, a few things about moving forward and how this relates to being a trauma-informed practitioner:

First: mourn if you need to. If you need to mourn what you’ve learned about some of your teachers, please give yourself the time, space, and permission to do that. Because it’s an actual and real loss to lose trust in a teacher.

Second, I’m just going to say this and you are welcome to argue with me and engage with me about it if you want:

Anyone who puts themselves on a pedestal or allows themselves to be put on a pedestal without willingness to learn, be told they’re wrong, be held accountable, and so forth is cannot be trusted.

That’s a strong and not very nuanced statement, which is not very like me.

Here’s why I say it so bluntly:

Because if they are not willing to learn or be held accountable, they are not safe.

ANYONE who is entrusted with people’s mental physical financial spiritual creative emotional whatever health and existence ABSOLUTELY MUST BE OPEN TO LEARNING AND ACCOUNTABILITY.

If they are not open to hearing how they might cause damage, then they are not safe. And that makes them dangerous.

Even if it's just due to fear of rejection or fear of something else rather than actively being venal, it still makes them dangerous.

My next not-nuanced assertion:

Anyone who abets—either actively or by turning a blind eye to—exploitation of girls, women, people of color, or anyone from a marginalized group is also dangerous.

What does this have to do with trauma-informed practice for coaches and healers?

Three main things:

1. It's essential to be discerning in who you learn from, because everything you learn impacts your work with your clients.

Before investing your time, energy, or money in someone’s teaching, ask yourself:

• Do their values genuinely align with mine?

• Do they create containers that allow for feedback, even if it’s negative?

• Are they accountable for past mistakes? Or do they get defensive or stay silent?

• Do they elevate themselves above others… or do they model humility and learning?

• Do they remain silent in the face of exploitation and marginalization?

• If they have questionable shit in their pasts, what have they done to educate themselves and grow?

2. Be mindful of the power you hold. As coaches and healers, we need to be very aware of and careful how we use our power. Because we have a LOT of power: through our platforms, and through the work we do with our clients.

2a: Platform. Even if our platforms are miniscule compared to Oprah’s, we have platforms! So it’s important for us to be judicious with how we use ours.

• Are you pedestalizing yourself and positioning yourself as an expert without humility or openness to feedback?

Look, it’s okay to have confidence in what you do and how you do it, and to be really fucking good at something. Truly! What’s not okay is positioning yourself as The Guru, The Teacher, or The Expert, without being open to feedback or learning. Don’t do that. (And again, you’re welcome to argue with me. :) )

• Are you using your platform to advocate for the world you want to see?

• Are you open about your values and how you view the world? If not, what’s holding you back? I’m actually curious, please feel free to tell me!

2b: Client work. Whether we like it or not, there are power dynamics in the work we do, and pretending it isn’t there because we don’t like that or don’t want to deal with it doesn’t change that it’s there.

• Are you aware of the influence and power dynamics in your work?

• Are you open to being challenged through feedback and accountability?

• Are your processes and tools trauma-informed, consent-based, and grounded in respect?

• Are you open to sharing power with your clients?

• Do your clients know they can challenge you?

3. When mistakes happen, repair. We will all screw up at some point! What separates safe, trustworthy leaders from the rest is:

• openness to feedback

• apologizing (a real apology, not “I’m sorry you felt that way” or some other bullshit)

• learning

• concrete actions to repair relationships and prevent repeated harm
  

Here are some steps you can take…today, tomorrow, and moving forward:

1. Audit your teachers and mentors. Make a list of the voices you follow and ask yourself:

• Do they embody accountability, humility, and integrity?

• Are they diverse or do they look and sound like you?

• If they don’t, invest your attention, energy, and resources elsewhere.

2. Examine your platform and how you use your power. Even small platforms carry influence! Use yours boldly and responsibly:

• Speak up when you witness misuse of power or silence

• Model accountability and openness in your own work

• If this feels challenging for you, ask yourself why. What’s coming up for you? And if you need to unpack this to get more clarity, feel free to reach out for a free 20 minute session.

3. Check your client relationships. Power is always present in coaching and healing. Take some time to reflect on:

• How power can show up in the words and tools you choose, your onboarding, the way you ask for and maintain consent, the container you create? And so on.

• Are you sharing power and creating safe spaces?

• Are your practices trauma-informed and respectful?
  

4. Your repair process. How do you feel about making mistakes and owning up to them?

Note: This isn’t easy, and you might need to talk about it with a therapist, coach, or a good friend. Just sayin'.

• Think about a time in the past when you’ve done things, um, less than ideally with a client. Were you open to feedback? Were you able to apologize and learn? Were you able to attempt to repair?

• What do you need to be more comfortable with accepting that this is something you might need to do? Inner work? Strategies for repair?

What decreases the likelihood that we’ll cause damage? Being a trauma-informed practitioner! (Shocking, I know. :) )

Of course, quite a bit goes into that…including being discerning about from whom we learn, being aware of the power we have in client relationships and our platform, and repairing when we fuck up.

I wonder if Deepak will issue a more comprehensive apology. I wonder if the people who haven’t spoken out about him and Attia and others will say something, and whether they will apologize for staying silent for so long. I really hope they do.

Until then, I won’t trust them with my growth or my pain. Sure, I will hold onto the wisdom and healing I gained from Dr Northrup as well as Brene Brown, Elizabeth Lesser, Elizabeth Gilbert, and so on. But moving forward?

No. I won’t buy their books, enroll in their programs, or amplify their work until I see acknowledgement, apologies, and true attempts at repair.

The good thing is, there are incredible coaches and teachers and writers who share my values, who are not silent in the face of horror, and who are also brilliant. That’s who I’ll work with, share my platform with, and pay.

I’d love to hear from you about all this. What are your takeaways? How will you practice discernment?

And...if you need to talk about how much all of this SUCKS that influencers with a LOT of influence are staying silent, feel free to complain to me.

Contact me so we can make a time to connect.

xoxo
Eryka

Land acknowledgment: this missive was written on the traditional lands of the Shoshone-Bannock Nations, in what is colonially known as Boise, Idaho. I honor with gratitude the beauty and richness of the land itself, and all of its ancestors: past, present, and emerging...and hope you do too.

When our teachers have feet of clay

Tuesday, March 24, 2026 6:20pm MDT